Training her

NOTE

 

I believe in continual growth.  So I’m always looking for more information to gain some insight & knowledge. 

 

A little about.

 

Once again we come to you with some information that we came across. This one is especially intriguing. Actually it is very informative. Of course like any article, or information that someone has written, it is a ‘personal’ interpretation. The general rule of ‘ Take what you like & leave the rest’ is your option. I suggest to read the whole article. Take into consideration what they have to offer. As ALWAYS we include the source at the bottom of the post/note. Please, if you share this, give common courtesy to the author.

 

So with no further await……

**********************************************************************************

 

When a novice submissive first hears those fateful words from her would be Master, “I am ready to begin your training,” or something similar, quite often her heart skips a beat, the pulse quickens, the eyes widen, the brow furrows and the stomach flutters.

 

By the time we enter into a relationship with a dominant, typically we have acknowledged if not embraced our submissive nature and we have resolutely decided to move forward in exploring it. Most of the time we are eager to learn more about the trappings of the lifestyle, we want to understand more about our submissive nature and we are committed to pleasing our dominant. So why is it that the idea of beginning training holds the power to be so unsettling?

 

 

I believe that the reason is this. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown is a universal experience among humankind. It you think about it, I’m certain you can recall many times in your own past when you experienced it. The idea of submissive training makes us feel uneasy and insecure because we have so little knowledge about it.

 

Why the Mystery

 

When I faced submissive training for the first time, I immediately turned to books and the web to discover what I would be facing and what I’d be expected to do. Instead what I found was disappointment. I learned that there was a surprising lack of specific information about it anywhere. The vacuum of specific information only added to my feelings of insecurity. The absence of hard facts made the whole situation all the more intimidating. Perhaps reading about my experiences with training may help to clear away some of that type of mystery that shrouds the subject and will help new subs find a measure of peace

and self-confidence

 

Beginning With the Macro View

 

 

Tackling the topic of submissive training by necessity requires that I start with the same generalized information I mentioned previously that is typically all that can be found. But don’t despair. While I must begin by painting with a few rather broad strokes to provide the macro view, the big picture, trust that we will be moving from the macro to the micro, from the general to the specific.

Due to the volume of information to cover, even in the kind of overview I have in mind, sharing anything of much substance in a single post would be impossible. Therefore my next several posts will be taken up with the matter of submissive training.

 

 

This seems a good place to insert a small disclaimer. Just as every submissive is an individual, the same of course in true of dominants. Every dominant has different objectives, goals, methods and philosophies with regard to training. It must always be kept in mind that what I share is anecdotal in that it comes from my own personal experiences and is colored by my own perceptions. This overview I think can have value and can at least in a general way, shed some light on what you can expect from being trained. But please do remember, your mileage may vary.

 

Some Simple Truths About Training

 

 

 

It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that training is a proverbial one-way street. In other words, in the training process, all the instruction flows downhill from the Master to his slave and all learning is absorbed by the slave. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. Training is in fact a continuum where instruction and learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way process.

 

Yes, the Master instructs and the slave learns yet at the same time the Master is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense that the dominant is learning new skills or techniques, but he is learning about the new submissive, his own unique personality, capabilities and proclivities. These lessons help the Master formulate specific goals, plans and strategies for her training, training that is individualized and specific to his particular slave.

 

Beyond the fact that we share a common trait, the desire to submit, we all differ in most every other regard. Your kinks are most likely different from mine. Something I find intensely erotic you may find at best boring or even a complete turn off. The same is true of our individualized needs, wants, desires and even fears. Thus, it is a truly unwise dominant who labors under the false impression that one-size fits all and that every sub can be trained exactly the same way as the last. Effective training must be tailored to the specific individual.

Submissive Training Categories

 

 

I see the submissive training process as being composed of eight discrete areas  or categories. There is some overlap between them so some may combine a few and end up with less. In the same way another might further divide categories and end up with more than eight. Yet it isn’t the number of categories that is important but what a submissive should be expected that he or she will be taught, learn and experience within the different areas. My eight training categories include…

  • Physical Training
  • Verbal Training
  • Mental Training
  • Emotional Training
  • Pratical Skills Training
  • Rituals and Mantras
  • Sexual Training
  • Discipline and Correction

 

 

This is a natural place to pause. Next time we will begin to seek the devil in the details of the above listed areas beginning with physical training. As we go along, I will endeavor to explain in detail what may be expected in each area and will also provide some illustrative examples from my own personal experiences.

 

The first area of training I will discuss is physical training. Subsequent posts will examine another of the remaining seven categories of submissive training. Later posts may be read in any order, however if you missed it, you might find it useful to read first, Understanding Submissive Training, the introductory post, for background information before proceeding to the individual training area posts.

 

Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the acquisition of physical skills like dance. There are differences among dominants as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a submissive yet some things are commonly taught. 

Position Training

 

Position training is one example of physical training that many dominants feel is needed and beneficial. Also, there may be differences based on the sex of the submissive in question. Every dominant I have submitted to subjected me to position training. There are many sites on the web that illustrate the positions.

The link provided is one representative site that illustrates and explains them, all of which are labeled with the Gorean names.

 

To digress briefly, while some may disagree, it is my opinion that the whole of BDSM not developed from the writings of Marquis De Sade comes from practices observed in the Gorean subculture. For the uninitiated, all things traditionally Gorean are derived from a series of books, science fiction novels written by John Norman which predominantly deal with sexual master-slave, power-exchange relationships on a mythical, counter-earth planet called Gor. All the positions that a submissive is typically required to learn are derived wholly or in substantial degree from positions Norman describes in the Gor series. At some point Gorean position training migrated to BDSM for use with both submissives

and slaves.

 

A dominant generally provides instruction to a submissive on the positions that

he or she feel are important and that the dominant finds personally appealing.

In real-life relationships, the dominant verbally explains, coaches and may even

model the positions that the submissive is expected to learn. On-line, the

resources may come in form of written instructions or website references. There

are actually a rather extensive number of positions but in my own experience I

have never been required to learn them all.

 

With positions we find the overlap between categories I alluded to in the

introductory post. While position training is in the realm of physical training,

there is also a mental aspect to it. In addition to having to learn to

physically assume the positions a dominant wants mastered, the sub must also

learn the name for each position so that they will be competent to assume any of

the positions learned when given a brief voice command, or a physical cue like a

hand signal. Position names required for memorization may be either the

traditional Gorean names they are known by or newer names developed specifically

for BDSM.

 

The purposes of position training is generally accepted to be that it trains a

submissive to develop a habit of obedience, to be more mentally focused and

attentive and to move fluidly between positions for the aesthetic pleasure of

the dominant. There are also important practical applications for the positions.

For example some positions lend themselves to use for inspecting, binding,

disciplining or using a submissive sexually. Learning to hold a position for a

substantial interval of times is useful for learning mental focus, improving

physical condition and providing the dominant a useful means for “parking” a

submissive whose services aren’t needed at the moment and who aren’t permitted

to repose on furniture.

Posture Training

 

Posture training – learning to walk, move and hold oneself in a feminine manner,

frequently is something thought highly desirable for female subs and sissy males

to master but less important for masculine male subs. Posture is universally

important for all when it comes to kneeling properly, the activity we look at

next.

Kneeling Training

 

Kneeling is another physical activity that most if not all dominants require.

Kneeling is closely akin to position training because it is generally done using one of the positions taught, a low-kneeling or high-kneeling position or both.

With kneeling, posture is generally important to a submissive regardless of sex since typically they are taught to position the feet, ankles and knees in a particular fashion, keep the back straight or slightly arched, the chest out and the eyes downcast.

 

Kneeling has a variety of purposes and uses. It is a position that powerfully exemplifies the control and authority of the dominant and the subservience of the submissive. Kneeling is used as a sign of respect, adoration and worship. It is used to facilitate meditation and as an alternative to the use of furnishings when the dominant chooses not to permit use of furniture by the submissive.

 

Kneeling can be problematic for a submissive who suffers from knee problems or lower back pains. Typically dominants are understanding of physical disabilities that preclude kneeling and make necessary modifications where necessary.

Kneeling is something that requires training because many subs find it most uncomfortable to kneel for extended periods of time without a good deal of practice.

Other Physical Training

 

Sometimes dominants provide other types of physical training like stretching techniques to increase flexibility, Yoga positions and even exercise to promote fitness, toning or weight loss when they deem it necessary and appropriate.

 

To conclude this section, in my own experience I have received physical training in positions, kneeling and enforced exercise. My very first Mistress required me to learn six of the positions and I have never been required to learn more than eight by any one dominant. However, each dominant had their own preference when it came to which positions they desired that I master. Positions and kneeling are the two areas that I have found most personally meaningful in the experience and expression of my submission. Kneeling for the benefit of a powerful, dominant woman affects me quite profoundly.

 

When a novice submissive first hears those fateful words from his or her

dominant, “I am ready to begin your training,” or something similar, quite often the heart skips a beat, the pulse quickens, the eyes widen, the brow furrows and the stomach flutters. 

 

By the time we enter into a relationship with a dominant, typically we have acknowledged if not embraced our submissive nature and we have resolutely decided to move forward in exploring it. Most of the time we are eager to learn more about the trappings of the lifestyle, we want to understand more about our submissive nature and we are committed to pleasing our dominant. So why is it that the idea of beginning training holds the power to be so unsettling?

I believe that the reason is this. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown is a universal experience among humankind. It you think about it, I’m certain you can recall many times in your own past when you experienced it. The idea of submissive training makes us feel uneasy and insecure because we have so little knowledge about it.

Why the Mystery

 

When I faced submissive training for the first time, I immediately turned to books and the web to discover what I would be facing and what I’d be expected to do. Instead what I found was disappointment. I learned that there was a surprising lack of specific information about it anywhere. The vacuum of specific information only added to my feelings of insecurity. The absence of hard facts made the whole situation all the more intimidating. Perhaps reading about my experiences with training may help to clear away some of that type of mystery that shrouds the subject and will help new subs find a measure of peace and self-confidence

 

Beginning With the Macro View

 

Tackling the topic of submissive training by necessity requires that I start with the same generalized information I mentioned previously that is typically all that can be found. But don’t despair. While I must begin by painting with a few rather broad strokes to provide the macro view, the big picture, trust that we will be moving from the macro to the micro, from the general to the specific.

Due to the volume of information to cover, even in the kind of overview I have in mind, sharing anything of much substance in a single post would be impossible. Therefore my next several posts will be taken up with the matter of submissive training.

 

This seems a good place to insert a small disclaimer. Just as every submissive is an individual, the same of course in true of dominants. Every dominant has different objectives, goals, methods and philosophies with regard to training.

It must always be kept in mind that what I share is anecdotal in that it comes from my own personal experiences and is colored by my own perceptions. This overview I think can have value and can at least in a general way, shed some light on what you can expect from being trained. But please do remember, your mileage may vary.

Some Simple Truths About Training

 

It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that

training is a proverbial one-way street. In other words, in the training

process, all the instruction flows downhill from the dominant to the submissive

and all learning is absorbed by the submissive. Actually nothing could be

further from the truth. Training is in fact a continuum where instruction and

learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way

process.

 

Yes, the dominant instructs and the submissive learns yet at the same time the

dominant is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense

that the dominant is learning new skills or techniques, but he or she is

learning about the new submissive, his or her own unique personality,

capabilities and proclivities. These lessons help the dominant formulate

specific goals, plans and strategies for training, training that is

individualized and specific to that submissive.

 

Beyond the fact that we share a common trait, the desire to submit, we all

differ in most every other regard. Your kinks are most likely different from

mine. Something I find intensely erotic you may find at best boring or even a

complete turn off. The same is true of our individualized needs, wants, desires

and even fears. Thus, it is a truly unwise dominant who labors under the false

impression that one-size fits all and that every sub can be trained exactly the

same way as the last. Effective training must be tailored to the specific

individual.

Submissive Training Categories

 

 

I see the submissive training process as being composed of eight discrete areas

or categories. There is some overlap between them so some may combine a few and

end up with less. In the same way another might further divide categories and

end up with more than eight. Yet it isn’t the number of categories that is

important but what a submissive should be expected that he or she will be

taught, learn and experience within the different areas. My eight training

categories include…

 

The first area of training I will discuss is physical training. Subsequent posts

will examine another of the remaining seven categories of submissive training.

Later posts may be read in any order, however if you missed it, you might find

it useful to read first, Understanding Submissive Training, the introductory post, for background information before proceeding to the individual training area posts.

 

 

Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and

postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the

acquisition of physical skills like dance. There are differences among dominants

as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a

submissive yet some things are commonly taught. 

Position Training

 

 

 

Position training is one example of physical training that many dominants feel

is needed and beneficial. Also, there may be differences based on the sex of the

submissive in question. Every dominant I have submitted to subjected me to

position training. There are many sites on the web that illustrate 

the

positions.

The link provided is one representative site that illustrates and explains them,

all of which are labeled with the Gorean names.

 

 

 

To digress briefly, while some may disagree, it is my opinion that the whole of

BDSM not developed from the writings of Marquis De Sade comes from practices

observed in the Gorean subculture. For the uninitiated, all things traditionally

Gorean are derived from a series of books, science fiction novels written by

John Norman which predominantly deal with sexual master-slave, power-exchange

relationships on a mythical, counter-earth planet called Gor. All the positions

that a submissive is typically required to learn are derived wholly or in

substantial degree from positions Norman describes in the Gor series. At some

point Gorean position training migrated to BDSM for use with both submissives

and slaves.

 

 

A dominant generally provides instruction to a submissive on the positions that

he or she feel are important and that the dominant finds personally appealing.

In real-life relationships, the dominant verbally explains, coaches and may even

model the positions that the submissive is expected to learn. On-line, the

resources may come in form of written instructions or website references. There

are actually a rather extensive number of positions but in my own experience I

have never been required to learn them all.

 

 

With positions we find the overlap between categories I alluded to in the

introductory post. While position training is in the realm of physical training,

there is also a mental aspect to it. In addition to having to learn to

physically assume the positions a dominant wants mastered, the sub must also

learn the name for each position so that they will be competent to assume any of

the positions learned when given a brief voice command, or a physical cue like a

hand signal. Position names required for memorization may be either the

traditional Gorean names they are known by or newer names developed specifically

for BDSM.

 

 

The purposes of position training is generally accepted to be that it trains a

submissive to develop a habit of obedience, to be more mentally focused and

attentive and to move fluidly between positions for the aesthetic pleasure of

the dominant. There are also important practical applications for the positions.

For example some positions lend themselves to use for inspecting, binding,

disciplining or using a submissive sexually. Learning to hold a position for a

substantial interval of times is useful for learning mental focus, improving

physical condition and providing the dominant a useful means for “parking” a

submissive whose services aren’t needed at the moment and who aren’t permitted

to repose on furniture.

 

 

Posture Training

 

 

Posture training – learning to walk, move and hold oneself in a feminine manner,

frequently is something thought highly desirable for female subs and sissy males

to master but less important for masculine male subs. Posture is universally

important for all when it comes to kneeling properly, the activity we look at

next.

 

 

Kneeling Training

 

 

Kneeling is another physical activity that most if not all dominants require.

Kneeling is closely akin to position training because it is generally done using

one of the positions taught, a low-kneeling or high-kneeling position or both.

With kneeling, posture is generally important to a submissive regardless of sex

since typically they are taught to position the feet, ankles and knees in a

particular fashion, keep the back straight or slightly arched, the chest out and

the eyes downcast.

 

 

Kneeling has a variety of purposes and uses. It is a position that powerfully

exemplifies the control and authority of the dominant and the subservience of

the submissive. Kneeling is used as a sign of respect, adoration and worship. It

is used to facilitate meditation and as an alternative to the use of furnishings

when the dominant chooses not to permit use of furniture by the submissive.

 

 

Kneeling can be problematic for a submissive who suffers from knee problems or

lower back pains. Typically dominants are understanding of physical disabilities

that preclude kneeling and make necessary modifications where necessary.

Kneeling is something that requires training because many subs find it most

uncomfortable to kneel for extended periods of time without a good deal of

practice.

 

 

Other Physical Training

 

 

Sometimes dominants provide other types of physical training like stretching

techniques to increase flexibility, Yoga positions and even exercise to promote

fitness, toning or weight loss when they deem it necessary and appropriate.

 

 

To conclude this section, in my own experience I have received physical training

in positions, kneeling and enforced exercise. My very first Mistress required me

to learn six of the positions and I have never been required to learn more than

eight by any one dominant. However, each dominant had their own preference when

it came to which positions they desired that I master. Positions and kneeling

are the two areas that I have found most personally meaningful in the experience

and expression of my submission. Kneeling for the benefit of a powerful,

dominant woman affects me quite profoundly.

 

Verbal training

 

Verbal training, our next category, like 

physical

training is

multi-faceted, covering numerous areas. Also like all categories, there are

natural overlaps between this category and others. Again I will mention that

while the specific category exposition posts may be read in any order, for

anyone who may have missed 

Understanding

Submissive Training,

the overview, I feel it would be useful to read that post first for background

before proceeding to the specific training category posts. As with physical

training, I will provide not only explanations but also offer a few illustrative

personal examples of the verbal training instruction that I have received from

past dominants.

 

 

Addressing the Dominant

 

 

At its most basic, verbal training includes how the submissive addresses his or

her dominant. It has been my experience that dominants have decided preferences

about how a submissive is permitted to address them and you may be confident

that this information will be provided to you.

 

 

It has been my experience that once you have submitted to a dominant, in all

likelihood you will never be allowed to address them in the manner you would

address a friend, relative, co-worker or even someone you met at a social

function. A good analogy I think is the way things are done in the military.

 

 

Having served in the military, I have had commanding officers. As a pseudonym

let’s call one of them Steven Smith. My commanding officer’s rank was captain. I

was a sergeant at the time I served under Steven Smith, so he outranked me by a

good margin. The military has a formal and expected way that you must address a

person of superior rank to show proper respect and to acknowledge them as your

superior. You are never permitted to address them informally by using their

first name or by simply using their last name alone. 

 

 

The expected way to address a superior is by preceding their last name with

their rank. Thus if I wished to begin a dialogue with Steven Smith I addressed

him as “Captain Smith.” If Captain Smith was speaking to me and it became

necessary for me to show my understanding of something or acknowledge an order,

I could respond with “Yes, Captain Smith” or simply, “Yes, sir.” In a similar

vein, when greeting him, I could say, “Good morning, Captain Smith,” “Good

morning, Sir,” or even “Good morning, captain.”

 

 

There is a similar protocol when it comes to addressing a Dom or Domme.

Dominants typically will inform you of the honorarium that he or she expects

(e.g., Master, Mistress, Sir, Ma’am, etc). My experiences with Mistresses has

been quite similar to my military experiences. Using one of them as an example,

named Emily, I was required to address her as “Mistress Emily” or simply as

“Mistress.” When Mistress Emily was speaking to me and it became necessary for

me to show my understanding of something or acknowledge an instruction, I could

respond with “Yes, Mistress Emily” or “Yes, Mistress.” She also allowed me to

respond in such circumstances with “Yes, ma’am.” I have had dommes who did not

wish to be addressed as “ma’am” and forbid its use, eliminating that option.

Another domme I have had did not like to be addressed as “Mistress” and instead

required me to address her as Miss Angela. She too allowed me to use “ma’am” in

responding to her when she was speaking. 

 

 

The point is, as far as verbal training goes, the submissive is given a

particular way of addressing his or her dominant and adherence is expected.

Departure will likely result in swift correction. Many I’m sure are familiar

with the old saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” What it means is allowing a

person you have authority over to interact with you in an informal manner can

erode that authority and your control. Thus, to effectively exercise power over

them and command respect, they must be kept at arms length and allowed to

interact with you on only a formal level.

 

 

Asking Questions and Offering Comments

 

 

Another part of verbal training involves the submissive asking questions of or

offering comments to the dominant. In most instances, based on my experience,

the submissive is never permitted to simply blurt out a question or make a

comment without first asking permission (i.e.., “Master, may I ask a question”

or “Mistress, may I make a comment”). Of course if asked by the dominant if he

or she has comments or questions, then it is perfectly fine for the submissive

to ask the questions or make the comments.

 

 

Use of Third Person

 

 

Personally I think this next topic is an antiquated practice and actually more

suited to master – slave relationships than D/s, but invariably some dominants

still use it and so it bears covering. Some dominants forbid the submissive to

use personal pronouns (I, me, my, etc.) when referring to themselves. So for

example, referring back to the previous idea above, when seeking permission to

ask a question or make a comment, the submissive would state, “Sir, may this

submissive ask a question (offer a comment)?” or “Mistress, may your submissive

offer a comment (or ask a question)?” 

 

 

This practice can be taken so far as, “Mistress, would it please you for your

submissive to offer a comment?” When restricted from the use of personal

pronouns to reference self, it sometimes requires some creativity to form the

question or statement properly to comply with this speech restriction. I have

been subjected to this, so despite my own personal opinions about the practice,

it is still in use.

 

 

Similarly, a submissive may be restricted from laying verbal claim to anything

including parts of his or her own body, prohibited from using words like my and

mine. Thus, as an example, in times past I have been required to “present”

myself to a dominant, which is a formal ritual of sorts where the submissive

offers individual sexual parts to the dominant for his or her use and pleasure.

Thus, if I was offering my penis for the pleasure and use of my Mistress, I was

not permitted to say, when restricted from the use of my and mine, “Mistress, I

offer my cock

for your use and pleasure.” Instead I was required to say, “Mistress, I offer your cock

for your use and pleasure.” It sounds a bit weird at first, but as you may note

the later statement eliminates the word “my” and also at the same time

acknowledges that my Mistress rather than me owns my cock along with the rest of

me.

 

 

Other Speech Restrictions

 

 

Besides personal pronouns, many dominants often choose to restrict the speech of

the submissive in other ways. One personal example I have experienced is that I

once had a Mistress who forbid me to use contractions either in speech or

writing and if I did so, I received swift correction. Thus instead of “didn’t” I

had to use “did not” or instead of “wouldn’t” I had to use “would not.” A

dominant can simply choose any one word or multiple words and eliminate them

from the vocabulary of the submissive.

 

 

Use of Specific Words for Specific Things

 

 

The final topic I want to cover in verbal training is the required use of

certain words. It could be considered the opposite of speech restriction.

Instead of being forbidden to use a certain word or word form, some dominants

require the use of specific words for specific things. These requirements often

have a purpose and motive beyond just verbal training, but it still fits nicely

into the category. For example, a male dominant may require his female

submissive to use the word “fuck” rather than “sexual intercourse,” “tits”

instead of “breasts,” “pussy” or “cunt” in place of “vagina.” In the same

manner, female dominants may require a male submissive to use “dick” or “cock”

instead of “penis” and “balls” or “nuts” in place of “testicles.” 

 

 

Also, often to accomplish other purposes, the dominant may choose to use and

require the submissive to use unique words, especially for a one of their sexual

parts. The example I offer from my own past experiences is a female dominant I

once served who used the word “pussy” for my anus and the word “clit” for my

penis and required that I use those words as well when referring to those parts.

The primary purpose for this was that she knew it humiliated me since I was not

a sissy sub, but still it was a practice that falls into the verbal training

category.

 

 

There is probably a good deal more that could be discussed about verbal

training, but hopefully enough has been presented here to give new subs an

adequate understanding of what this category of submissive training entails,

 

Mental training

 

Mental training is next up in our examination of submissive training. Training

focused on the mental realm involves things like memorization, keeping a

journal, improving concentration skills (i.e., meditation), acquiring new

knowledge, improving problem solving skills and learning to bend the will more

effectively to that of the dominant through development of greater determination

to please and persistence to pursue tasks and assignments to successful

conclusion. While more specifically associated with sexual conditioning,

training a female submissive to orgasm on command can be considered a form of

mental training. 

 

 

Meditation and Keeping a Journal

 

 

 

 

To a great degree, the effectiveness of mental training is as dependent on the

efforts of the submissive as on the instructional talents of the dominant since

it involves matters of the will. For example a dominant may decree that a

submissive engage in daily meditation or require him or her to keep a daily

journal, yet it is actually dependent upon the submissive whether those

activities result in a meaningful outcome. 

 

 

 

 

As a person with a strong drive to please my dominant, in those instances when I

was required to meditate or journal daily, I did apply my best efforts to those

assignments and believe some of the most important breakthroughs I have

experienced as a submissive occurred while engaging in those activities. Both

provide opportunities for introspection that can reveal greater understanding of

your submissive nature and how best to channel it for the mutual benefit of both

partners in a D/s relationship.

 

 

 

 

Generally with meditation, the dominant assigns a focus topic and dictates the

environment and length of the meditation period. As an example, I once served a

Mistress who required that I kneel each morning for 15 minutes, immediately

after waking. I was instructed to open the blinds and curtains of my bedroom

window, remove all my clothing and kneel facing the window while meditating. She

would provide the focus topics for the time of meditation and after the 15

minutes were up, I was required to journal what I felt were the most important

answers or questions I came up with during the session. The sense of exposure I

think served to heighten the experience for me making if even more productive. I

did however make it a habit to be an early riser to minimize the chance of

anyone observing me in such an exposed state. *smiles*

 

 

 

Memorization

 

 

 

 

Memorization is sometimes used as a means of sharpening the mind of a submissive

or to help establish a specific mindset that the dominant wishes to instill.

While I have only had limited experience with memorization assignments

personally, I have known a submissive whose dominant required her to memorize

entire BDSM fiction stories and poems verbatim, which she was then required to

recite to him. My own experience has been limited to memorizing mantras, short

statements that I was often required to compose myself, which were designed to

pay tribute to my dominant or simply acknowledge her ownership and control.

Mantras are similar to the positive affirmations some people recite to promote

the flow of positive energies to help them make life changes. The dominant that

introduced me to mantras required me to compose a new once each week that I was

required to recite aloud from memory a specific number of times each day.

Personally, I found mantras to be very powerful in keeping me in a submissive

mindset.

 

 

Acquiring New Knowledge

 

 

 

 

In the interest of acquiring new knowledge I have often been given, especially

during the early years of my submissive journey, research assignments on topics

provided by my dominant that pertained to the BDSM lifestyle. For example I once

was assigned to research erotic humiliation. After completing the research, I

was required to write a paper in which I communicated the facts I learned about

erotic humiliation and shared my personal feelings about whether scenes

involving erotic humiliation were something that appealed to me or produced

arousal. 

 

 

 

 

Researching and writing assignments are often quite helpful in achieving growth

and having your limits stretched. It is also effective in simply learning more

about the lifestyle in general. Some dominants use research and writing

assignments to lay the groundwork before introducing a submissive to some new

scene activity that they have not yet experienced or that might even be a soft

limit for them.

 

 

 

 

Occasionally dominants go as far as requiring their submissive to enroll in and

complete formal education courses to enhance their general education or even

require them to study and learn a foreign language.

 

 

 

Bending the Will

 

 

 

 

Dominants often engage in mental training for the purpose of helping a

submissive to learn to be more obedient or less willful. One technique that I

have experienced was being given small repetitive tasks to complete with a

deadline. 

 

 

 

 

As examples I was required by one Mistress to email her daily by a specific time

before noon. In the email I was required to wish her well for the day, tell her

I was thinking of her and provide her with some bit of news that I felt she

would be interested in. Another required me to sign on to a chat messenger at a

certain time of day, every day unless prevented by work and remain signed on for

a specific number of minutes. On some days she would sign on and we actually

chatted but generally she wouldn’t. The purpose of both exercises was to teach

me to bend my will to the Mistress and to show my understanding that my time

belonged to her to be used as she saw fit.

 

 

 

 

Oftentimes, activities like orgasm control and denial, clothing or food being

chosen for the submissive and a host of other things are required by dominants

for mental training purposes. Using orgasm control as an example, while an

activity that accomplishes sexual ends, it also reinforces for the submissive

the dominant’s control and ownership, hence bending the will of the submissive

to the dominant’s will.

 

 

 

 

In summary, mental training is one of the most effective tools in a dominant’s

training tool box to instill knowledge, establish and maintain a framework of

control over a submissive and to reinforce obedient behavior.

 

 

At first blush one might be tempted to combine submissive emotional training

with the mental training category, but I believe the two, while akin, are not

the same. Recall the last time you did or said something when you were angry. It

is easy to see that emotions are not the rational cognitive thought processes we

think of when we use the word mental.

 

 

 To continue on next NOTE

 

 

 

http://trainherwell.blogspot.com/2012/02/slave-training-instructions.html?zx=73e53c826d3d7288

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