Growing within My own Dominance

‘ve always known that I have a need to be in control. You could even say that I like things the way I like ’em. Theres always been that feeling of I know what I want , how I want it, where I want it. I like being in control. I like being the one making decisions, directing. Control freak? Mmmm, maybe you could call me that. What I know is that I’m comfortable handling the reigns. I find that many times even in my everyday life, I tend to have a certain amount of control.

 

Being ‘Dad’ & Husband, I’m automatically the leader of the household. I generally have the final word on what is or what isn’t. That’s just how it works in our household. My wife & I share a great deal of responsibilities, She directs the kids  does her mother role without direct direction from me. We do however discuss everything about how & what the kids do, go etc… that’s just easy for us.

 

In my daily life, the dominance still seems to play a role within what I do. At work, I have supervisors, and yes i follow the rules of the company, however, often co-workers seem to follow by example. My example. Many time I’m ask what would you do, what do you suggest, how would you,, etc.  I don’t outright require it. but it just is this way. Being a leader, someone who takes the forefront has almost always been the way it is for me. It’s natural I guess you could say.

 

Speaking of ‘natural’ , I really do feel it’s a natural characteristic. Dominance for me just is a part of me as breathing. I believe that it is a core , deep within myself. Humans aren’t much different than many ‘animals’ here on earth.  Each species has it’s Dominating sex. Humans, in general the male is the Dominating sex.  I believe that this characteristic is naturally within our genetics.  ‘Some’ of us are able to grasp it & embrace it.

 

I like to think that I have embraces mine. And in doing so, I  look at myself and  try to dig deeper in to find all that defines me. I want to grow within myself, allowing myself to express & live openly.  I’m always ‘discovering’ myself more & more….

 

More recently, Ive come to an admittance about myself. One that I almost feared to even look at, to even ask the question ” Am I ” or “Do I possess” this characteristic trait ” ? ……This characteristic trait is Sadism.  A trait that I at one time shunned, I thought it was sickening for one to call themselves such a thing.

But as I allowed myself to look at the characteristic openly and without judgement, I was able to be free to really dig in and ask ” Do I hold any of the characteristic traits of being a Sadist ?”…..

 

I found a surprising, yet not really so surprising answer….  ” Yes, I do “.

 

What the fuck !? After all I’ve ever thought about the word sadism, or sadist,  “why?” Do i really hold the characteristics of one?

*Shaking my head, I have to remind myself that I opened my mind to this, willing to accept whatever I found*

But you know what? I’m glad that i let myself have an open mind about this, because now i can allow myself to be even more free to be Me!

I’m not so scared of admitting this, however, Iam a tad reserved yet… meaning, I want to make sure about there’s varying degrees of sadism . So do I want to call myself a outright Sadist ? I’m not entirely sure.

 

This is another part of my journey… growing within My Dominance.

 

DomSirPaul

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