Dom-sub-bondeing

Posted by domsirpaul on May 2, 2013

Dom-sub-bondeing

Love you…yes i do love you …

Dominance & submission.. Always growing…

Posted by domsirpaul on April 9, 2013

Dominance & submission

Continued growth.

her submission requires growth

her growth requires My Dominance

My Dominance requires growth

W/we’re to grow individually & in unity.

This growth requires structure.

Structure requires control & guidelines.

Even these guidelines need to be revisited & growth,

Dominance & submission………….always growing

DomSirPaul

My Turn (a shared story)

Posted by domsirpaul on April 9, 2013

Do you wonder what it might be like to take on the ‘other’ side? Are you a switch? Do you ‘sometimes’ play the other role, just to keep up the excitement or just to remind yourself of what the other party goes through?

Heres a great tale I wanted to share….. I fukn loved the story.!

I’m the dominant in my relationship with Ona and I tend to be very strict. Ona enjoys being bound by me. I give her no choice. On our second date, I informed her that I was taking her back to my place, tying her up, and making love to her all night long. She simply raised her eyebrows and replied, “Really”. Ona left my house two days later. Ona (pronounced Own-ah) and I have been lovers for 3 years now. We met in Paris and she followed me to New York to begin her journey into sweet submission.

I am a graphic artist and enjoy a creative passion towards life. Ona works as an assistant to one of the top fashion designers in New York. She always dresses elegantly, if not provocatively, and turns the heads of both men and women when we are out together. Ona is tall and shapely…not over-weight mind you, simply exotic, voluptuous and delicious. She has deep brown eyes, long blond hair (and even longer legs) and is always wearing stiletto heels in one form or another.

Like many bondage couples, we exchange roles once a year and the anniversary date of this surreal event was approaching. We abstained from any sexual contact for about a week leading up to the anniversary, as was our custom. We also acted generally shitty to each other which served to make us both extremely anxious and horny.

Each year Ona shops for that special outfit. She knows my requirements for her wardrobe and my woman takes all measures to please me.

We chose a Friday evening of a long weekend for our yearly happening. Ona always takes this day off to prepare, and this is such a highlight of her year…I only allow her one weekend of dominance. Note: although Ona believes herself to be in control during our reversal experience, we both realize I hold the ultimate authority, and this is never questioned.

I arrived home at 6pm as usual. I sat in the car for a few minutes and meditated, to prepare myself for the drastic and sudden change I was about to experience. Suitably prepared, I opened the door to the house, and Ona’s imagination. She has learned much, and I have taught her well.

I entered the hallway just inside the front door and was met by the wonderful aroma of clove-scented candles…my favorite. The room was lit entirely by candle-light and sounds of the Amazonian Rain Forest were playing softly on the sound system. Ona entered the room wearing my floor-length black silk kimono with elaborate dragon design. I was allowed to remove the kimono from her exquisite body, and this ‘revelation event’ is my last act of control during the role-reversal. I lovingly and lustily surveyed Ona and was reminded again what a truly beautiful woman she is. Ona was completely naked except for a sexy black leather choker necklace, some wrist-length black leather gloves and a new pair of black kneehigh boots with stiletto heels.

I was made to strip under Ona’s supervision. She commanded me to remove my clothes slowly, so that she might enjoy the show. I was led to the dining room completely naked and seated at the head of the table. Ona fed me a delicious dinner consisting of an exotic pasta dish with red wine. The dessert was her wonderful, if simple, strawberry short cake with whipped-cream topping. She spoon-fed me, all the while whispering statements of devotion, counter-balanced by threats of pending punishment if I should disobey.

Following dinner I was led to the bedroom. My submissive experience was about to begin! Ona commanded me to sit at the side of the bed while she pulled her/my favorite pair of black biker boots onto my feet. It seems Ona has come to share my boot fetish! I was beginning to develop a nice erection as the feel of the leather boots sank into my feet and legs. Next, I was told to stand and face away. Ona latched strong handcuffs onto my wrists and silenced me with a large ballgag. She pushed me back onto the bed face up. My penis was pointing to true north like a compass needle. Ona took the opportunity to

lean over and lightly lick, then kiss the head and stated, “I’ll deal with you in a moment”. She tied my booted ankles together with a piece of strong cord and tied that off to the footboard.

Ona put one of our favorite bondage DVDs featuring Kelsie Chambers into the player at the foot of the bed. I lay securely trussed while Ona manipulated my penis with her gloved hands, cherry lips, full breasts and booted feet. She eventually produced a small satchel from beneath the bed and slowly extracted an exotic-looking penis pump from the bag. I suppose my eyes must have grown in a look of surprise as Ona deftly gauged my reaction with a sly smile. She expertly stroked the head of my already erect member and slid the pump over the shaft.

The device had an external handle attached by a vacuum hose. Ona alternately squeezed the handle slowly and evenly, then rapidly and forcefully to extract the most vivid reactions from my subdued penis. At the same time this was going on, Ona applied a small suction tube to my swollen ball-sack and worked on that as well. She brought me to the brink of orgasm on several occasions, but denied my release each time.

Finally Ona removed the pump from my sensitive package, then mounted and rode me until we both achieved a vigorous, shaking orgasm. Ona proudly wiped me down like a prize stallion after a spirited workout. We lay together for a short time and Ona caressed me while softly whispering some of the most obscene remarks in my ear using that ultra sultry European voice of hers.

I was still handcuffed and would remain so for the duration. Ona led me to the bathroom and commanded me to stay still until she returned. When she did I was made to kneel across the bathtub. Ona removed my ballgag, but before I could speak she inserted an enema tube into my mouth and commanded me in her sultry, authoritative voice, “Start sucking”. I did as I was told and soon a warm stream of liquid began filling my mouth. She removed the tube from my mouth and inserted it into my anal canal and gave me a smack on the ass for good measure. Ona replaced the ballgag, and I accepted the enema and the accompanying ‘reach-around’ without protest. Next, Ona placed me on the toilet backwards, with my face to the wall. I expelled the enema fluid and was told to stand.

Ona led me back to the bedroom where I was again placed face-up on the bed. Ona powdered my genitals like a newborn, and to complete the effect she fitted me with an adult diaper. She fixed me with a leather blindfold that was secured using several straps.

Ona gently raised my head, removed the gag, and slipped a tablet into my mouth. She held a glass of water to my lips and told me to drink and swallow. “Aren’t you curious as to what you’ve just taken?” Ona asked coyly. I did not give her the satisfaction of responding. “Well” she continued, (her tone clearly betraying her annoyance at my silence) “I intend to administer regular doses of Viagra throughout the weekend…to keep you ‘up’”. I suspected she was bluffing, and when I didn’t react Ona responded with a deep and devilish laugh. “You’ll need the stimulus eventually my love, as you won’t be allowed sleep”, she stated while replacing the ballgag.

I lay still, practicing some deep-breathing exercises to calm my frayed nerves. Ona made meaningless small talk while toying with and teasing my bound form. Eventually she tore the diaper from me exclaiming, “That wasn’t as much fun as I thought it would be”. “Speak for yourself sweetheart” was all I could think to mumble through the gag. The Viagra started kicking-in and my first impulse was to try and fight off the effects of the drug by diverting my thoughts from sexual gratification. I was trying to defend myself against both the wonders of modern medical science, and the amazing sexual ability of a European super-vixen. My best efforts stood no chance as she brought me off while simultaneously riding my dick and squeezing my balls…this woman was a sex monster!

Ona sat beside me on the bed and made more small talk while massaging and biting my nipples, and occasionally running a finger up my ass-shaft. She again blotted the sweat from my body as I lay panting and exhausted. In time Ona sprang up from the bed and announced, “It’s time to get you ready for the main event”. I could only imagine what she meant, but I was completely surprised at the ultimate pay-off.

Ona washed the powder from my genitalia with a very cold washcloth. The effect was exhilarating! She finished by wrapping my icy, shrunken penis in the cold cloth and spritzing me down with her favorite au de toilet. She passed on the obvious opportunity to humiliate me while my member was somewhat lacking. Perhaps she realized such mind-tricks do not work with me.

After Ona had me cleaned up she pulled my Walkman headphones over my ears. Before she turned on the music, effectively deafening me, Ona allowed me to hear her place a call on her cell phone. I obviously don’t know who she called, and all I heard her say was, “You may come over now, I have prepared him for you”. My mind was already racing when my ears were filled with the rich sounds of the local jazz station.

After several minutes Ona placed a clip onto my nose, and since I was still gagged I started resisting violently, in a semi-panic. Breath control had never been a large part of our bondage play and the effect was quite startling. She began gently caressing me and telling me to calm down and obey her. I settled as best I could under the circumstances. Ona turned the volume of the radio down and told me that she was going to give me another dose of Viagra so that I would be all the more ready for the main event. She

removed my ballgag and forced the pill into my mouth. Next, she poured a sip of water into my mouth then firmly clamped her hand across my lips, forcing me to swallow. “Good boy” she said, and gave my penis a quick fluff. Ona replaced the ballgag and began rubbing my nipples. The music again grew louder as she turned up the volume of the Walkman.

Of course Ona would never reveal who she had recruited to act as her accomplice. It was a brilliant play on her part! Naturally we had invited other attractive women to participate in our vibrant sex lives, but never in a bondage setting. I was left to fantasize regarding who was about to enter the experience. Was it another design professional? I’d met several of Ona’s associates over the months and would love to have a go at some of them. Maybe Ona’s sister was going to be the surprise. She was in town for a visit and I’d brought up the subject of her participation with Ona in the past. Magdalena was two years younger than Ona and was an absolutely gorgeous woman. There was a very real possibility that the mysterious third would be someone totally unknown to me. This was in many ways the most exciting and most frightening thought for me.

I lay back on the bed in my helpless condition and tried some deep breathing exercises in an attempt to relax. After what seemed an eternity I felt the familiar form of Ona’s body settle next to me on the bed. She removed the Walkman and whispered “show time” in my ear in the seductive European voice.

I was fitted with a wide leather collar with a steel ring attached. A leash was clipped on and I was hauled roughly to my feet and marched through the house and down to the basement. The women took special care to guide me since I was still blindfolded…to their credit. Once in the basement the leash was secured to a nail on an overhead rafter, immobilizing my head. A rope was passed around the handcuffs and also pulled up and secured above me. I was firmly subdued in this standing position.

“Now remember darling, no speaking” Ona instructed her accomplice. The two began kissing and giggling. Goddamn , I wanted to see this!

My penis was at full attention by this time and was teased every few moments by a strange hand. I had finally ‘met’ my new, if temporary, partner.

Suddenly, the third perched herself on my erect member. This hottie was already warm, tight and wet! What a sensation! She began slowly gyrating and moaning softly under her breath. “That’s enough for now” came Ona’s stern voice from across the room. Ms. ‘X’ moved off of me and I heard the click of stiletto heels moving away from me. I heard conspiratorial whispering at the far end of the room, finished-off by devlish laughter.

Ms. ‘X’ settled on her knees in front of me. She tickled my balls with some expert flicking of her moist tongue. Next, she gathered me in her gloved hands and gave me a rugged dick-slapping, with vigorous attention to the head of the shaft. Delightful!

I was not being allowed intercourse with our visitor. Ona moved near to me and slackened both the rope holding my hands and the leash restraining my neck. I was made to kneel. I could tell that a chair was placed in front of me, and that Ms. ‘X’ sat down. She cupped my balls in one gloved hand and squeezed a generous amount of scented oil all over my genitals with the other. Ms. ‘X’ slathered the oil all over my aching member, presumably to reduce friction because next she went at my rod like a Girl Scout trying to

start a camp fire! After she thoroughly worked me over and had my ‘full attention’, a booted foot made contact with my genitals. Ms. ‘X’ began working my ‘twig-and-berries’ with one, then both boots. When I was at my wits end, Ona kneeled beside me and took control of the situation. She took my penis in a familiar grip and brought me off in a shuddering climax all over Ms. ‘X’s’ boots. I was completely spent and collapsed across her lap.

I was eased onto the floor and Ona stepped around me. “Thank you darling. I’ll be in touch with you soon” I heard her say to her collaborator. Ms. ‘X’ slowly rose to her feet and left the room, stepping over me like the wasted hulk that I was.

“I hope you enjoyed the surprise” Ona said to me as she began undoing all the various fetters that kept me bound. I didn’t reply, but from my silence she knew that I was completely fulfilled.

We always wait one week before resuming our normal roles in the relationship. We do not see or speak to each other during this week. I use this time to concoct a very special rebuttal to Ona’s actions which I refuse to describe here. Suffice to say that Ona was put through her paces. My promise to her has always been that I will not seek revenge for any of her actions…but I will not allow her even the perception that she has any ultimate power over me whatsoever.

At the end of our ‘re-establishing’ session, Ona was left panting breathlessly. She was of course bound securely, but as I toweled (and licked) the sweat from her glistening body, I could just make out through her gagged lips an affectionate threat, “Wait ‘till next year”.

http://www.bdsmcafe.com/stories/short/myturn.html

DomSirPaul

Dominance & submission … being Real

Posted by domsirpaul on April 9, 2013

I’m going to just write.. I have an urge to just let my fingers roll across the keyboard letting out whatever comes out. I haven’t even written the damn title to this one yet….

So her it goes…….

Dominants are ordinary, everyday people. Dominants can be female or male. They can have jobs where they follow orders and jobs very demanding They can have a very demanding high paying job where they’re charge or they can have a blue collar job. They can be wives or husbands, moms or dads, grandmothers or grandfathers, daughters or sons, so forth. They are real people with real lives, families, friends….

I am a Real Dominant every day of my life. Every day of my life is real, every thing I do is real.

The point I’m making is that for myself , my Dominance is just a real and a part of who I am as any other aspect of myself. I think, too often that people seem to think that those who practice any part of BDSM are ‘players in a game’. They place BDSM as an online role play , such as Dungeons & Dragons, or Halo, or whatever else you can think of.

Now for ‘some, this very well could be true, it is just a fantasy or role play adventure. However I believe that MANY people in the BDSM Life Style are in it as that… a Life Style. Key word ‘Life’

Think of it this way. There are those who practice a religion, that religion is a part of them, it’s ingrained, it’s a part of who they are. In fact, much of religion has a sense of Dominance & submission it it. My sister in-law has a sense of submission to her husband, however it is Faith-based, per their religion. It’s what ‘THEY’ believe…

It’s right for them. It’s who they are. However, when my wife confronted her sister with the fact that she (my wife) is submissive with me, she (her sister) took a shocking gasp. As if my wife’s submission to me is from a sense of abuse, controlling , under thumb sense. She (sister in-law) couldn’t grasp an understanding. As my wife tried to explain that it really isn’t much different than her own relationship with her husband, difference being is religion. I’m not sure if the sister in-law was able to understand even after my wife tried to explain..

Point being, my dominance, her submission is as a part of us as the sister in-laws relationship with her husband.

The thing is, my Dominance & my wife’s submission is a willing one. It’s a part of her that couldn’t be understood by the ‘vanilla’ society. It’s very real, as we are very real people with very real lives. We’ve managed to inter-grain our D/s into our ‘vanilla’ life. We live it every damn day. Even though we are still fairly new to the ‘Life Style’ we’re finding that it is comfortable, even relieving. We’re finding that it’s a sense of freedom to be who we really are deep inside….. & that’s very real.

DomSirPaul

Continuing to uncover My Dominance

Posted by domsirpaul on April 9, 2013

So my submissive and I are still fairly new within our D/s relationship we are quite comfortable within our relationship. We’ve discovered quite a lot about ourselves & each other in the six months that we ‘officially’ stated that our relationship is a D/s one. It feels at times as if it’s always been this way. It feels right and fitting. Yet we know very well that we’re growing daily, just as we would in a ‘vanilla’ relationship. We know however that taking the aspects of our relationship, the growth has a lot of differences than a vanilla one would if we were still practicing as that.

My Dominance, it’s changing, growing almost daily. I’m discovering more & more of myself. I’m finding or maybe another way to describe it is I’m uncovering things about myself that I’ve always knew were there, but I was unwilling to release. My thinking has been set free I guess you could say. I’m more open minded to allow myself to free my inner self and be comfortable with it. Not allowing the vanilla society way of thinking to hinder my growth. We’re taught growing up that there’s things NOT acceptable or allowed , & that I tell you this sure fucks with my mind as I discover things about myself.

One thing that I had been struggling with is that I find great pleasure in light Sadism. I was struggling with the ‘Title’ sadism. All that society has taught us goes against it. I had the pleasure of talking with a Gentleman the other day about this struggle of mine, and he suggested another phrase or title that helped me…’ intensive sensual stimulation’ . He said to me & I quote

“ The terms of Sadist and Masochist are so heavily loaded with over a century of social stigma and bigotry that I never use them. “

I was so stuck with what society taught me. The definition was so….. defined… if that makes sense.

However, as I think about it, and as I’ve talked to the gentleman I was able to come to terms that I’m not so limited to that definition of sadist. I don’t need to be afraid of what is pleasing. It’s quite alright if I enjoy spanking her, or pulling her hair or grabbing her by the jaw. Matter of fact, I was a bit surprised that she enjoyed the feeling of being controlled in the manner. What she enjoys is seeing me assert my dominance. So if she enjoys & I enjoy, and were being safe sane & consensual…. there’s nothing wrong with it.

I use to be more concerned with what titles do we use to describe ourselves. After all, we do want to have a sense of definition don’t we? What makes us… us .. know what I mean? However I’m not so eager to take on any particular tiles to describe myself or my submissive. We are who we are, we don’t need to have any particular title to define our Dominance or submission. T/those are what they are, & have the freedom to change as we grow as we uncover characteristics of ourselves & set them loose.

So if I have a bit of so called sadist characteristics within my dominance, so be it, but that doesn’t make me purely a sadist. I am a Dominant , and that alone is enough of a Title that I need to describe who I am. The dynamics of my dominance are what they are.

As for my submissives’ dynamics, I’ve chosen to allow her to give her thoughts herself. I want it to come from her, using her own words. I think, (even though she & I constantly converse about our relationship …..My dominance & her submission….., and I know what her feelings are)…. that this is something better coming from her.

A Path of Slave…

Posted by sweetcheeks on April 8, 2013

Soooooo…………..

The other day, ‘Dear’ sent me a message referring to me as His “sexy little slave”… And let me just say, that’s all it took…. My mind took off at full gallop.

Over and over again, the same thought kept passing through my brain…” What are you?”

Now to most, this simple statement would have been chalked up to a very endearing sentiment. I even thought it was sweet for all of about 5 minutes. However after that first 5 minutes; with the way my mind works; I disassembled and analyzed it 5 different ways from Tuesday. Oh don’t get me wrong, I didn’t analyze the intent behind the statement, because I know that it was intended in the most loving and endearing way. What I analyzed was the fact that ‘Dear’ had actually referred to me as a slave. When did that happen, how was I a slave?

You see, since the beginning of O/our D/s relationship, I have always maintained the “submissive” title and position. Not because I felt there was anything wrong with being a ‘slave’, but mostly because I just didn’t believe that I fit it. After all; slaves give up everything, right? They give up all choice, and bend to their Master’s will. Therefore; since I still hold a lot of power being a mother and a wife, there is no possible way that I could be a slave. Or could I?…..

After some more thought, I realized that this wasn’t the first time that a reference was made in regards to my nature. No I haven’t actually been referred to as a slave outright, however; it has been stated that I have some slave-like qualities. So it got me to thinking. Maybe there is something to this… just maybe… could it be that my submission is transforming?

Possibly taking on a new level of transcendence?

Is that even possible?

I guess that will be something that I will have to delve a little further into, to find the answers that I seek.

~the submissive/slave~

**Picture Credit: (taken from Google pictures), I do not own the rights**

Training her

Posted by domsirpaul on April 6, 2013

NOTE

I believe in continual growth. So I’m always looking for more information to gain some insight & knowledge.

A little about.

Once again we come to you with some information that we came across. This one is especially intriguing. Actually it is very informative. Of course like any article, or information that someone has written, it is a ‘personal’ interpretation. The general rule of ‘ Take what you like & leave the rest’ is your option. I suggest to read the whole article. Take into consideration what they have to offer. As ALWAYS we include the source at the bottom of the post/note. Please, if you share this, give common courtesy to the author.

So with no further await……

**********************************************************************************

When a novice submissive first hears those fateful words from her would be Master, “I am ready to begin your training,” or something similar, quite often her heart skips a beat, the pulse quickens, the eyes widen, the brow furrows and the stomach flutters.

By the time we enter into a relationship with a dominant, typically we have acknowledged if not embraced our submissive nature and we have resolutely decided to move forward in exploring it. Most of the time we are eager to learn more about the trappings of the lifestyle, we want to understand more about our submissive nature and we are committed to pleasing our dominant. So why is it that the idea of beginning training holds the power to be so unsettling?

I believe that the reason is this. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown is a universal experience among humankind. It you think about it, I’m certain you can recall many times in your own past when you experienced it. The idea of submissive training makes us feel uneasy and insecure because we have so little knowledge about it.

Why the Mystery

When I faced submissive training for the first time, I immediately turned to books and the web to discover what I would be facing and what I’d be expected to do. Instead what I found was disappointment. I learned that there was a surprising lack of specific information about it anywhere. The vacuum of specific information only added to my feelings of insecurity. The absence of hard facts made the whole situation all the more intimidating. Perhaps reading about my experiences with training may help to clear away some of that type of mystery that shrouds the subject and will help new subs find a measure of peace

and self-confidence

Beginning With the Macro View

Tackling the topic of submissive training by necessity requires that I start with the same generalized information I mentioned previously that is typically all that can be found. But don’t despair. While I must begin by painting with a few rather broad strokes to provide the macro view, the big picture, trust that we will be moving from the macro to the micro, from the general to the specific.

Due to the volume of information to cover, even in the kind of overview I have in mind, sharing anything of much substance in a single post would be impossible. Therefore my next several posts will be taken up with the matter of submissive training.

This seems a good place to insert a small disclaimer. Just as every submissive is an individual, the same of course in true of dominants. Every dominant has different objectives, goals, methods and philosophies with regard to training. It must always be kept in mind that what I share is anecdotal in that it comes from my own personal experiences and is colored by my own perceptions. This overview I think can have value and can at least in a general way, shed some light on what you can expect from being trained. But please do remember, your mileage may vary.

Some Simple Truths About Training

It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that training is a proverbial one-way street. In other words, in the training process, all the instruction flows downhill from the Master to his slave and all learning is absorbed by the slave. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. Training is in fact a continuum where instruction and learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way process.

Yes, the Master instructs and the slave learns yet at the same time the Master is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense that the dominant is learning new skills or techniques, but he is learning about the new submissive, his own unique personality, capabilities and proclivities. These lessons help the Master formulate specific goals, plans and strategies for her training, training that is individualized and specific to his particular slave.

Beyond the fact that we share a common trait, the desire to submit, we all differ in most every other regard. Your kinks are most likely different from mine. Something I find intensely erotic you may find at best boring or even a complete turn off. The same is true of our individualized needs, wants, desires and even fears. Thus, it is a truly unwise dominant who labors under the false impression that one-size fits all and that every sub can be trained exactly the same way as the last. Effective training must be tailored to the specific individual.

Submissive Training Categories

I see the submissive training process as being composed of eight discrete areas or categories. There is some overlap between them so some may combine a few and end up with less. In the same way another might further divide categories and end up with more than eight. Yet it isn’t the number of categories that is important but what a submissive should be expected that he or she will be taught, learn and experience within the different areas. My eight training categories include…

Physical Training
Verbal Training
Mental Training
Emotional Training
Pratical Skills Training
Rituals and Mantras
Sexual Training
Discipline and Correction

This is a natural place to pause. Next time we will begin to seek the devil in the details of the above listed areas beginning with physical training. As we go along, I will endeavor to explain in detail what may be expected in each area and will also provide some illustrative examples from my own personal experiences.

The first area of training I will discuss is physical training. Subsequent posts will examine another of the remaining seven categories of submissive training. Later posts may be read in any order, however if you missed it, you might find it useful to read first, Understanding Submissive Training, the introductory post, for background information before proceeding to the individual training area posts.

Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the acquisition of physical skills like dance. There are differences among dominants as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a submissive yet some things are commonly taught.

Position Training

Position training is one example of physical training that many dominants feel is needed and beneficial. Also, there may be differences based on the sex of the submissive in question. Every dominant I have submitted to subjected me to position training. There are many sites on the web that illustrate the positions.

The link provided is one representative site that illustrates and explains them, all of which are labeled with the Gorean names.

To digress briefly, while some may disagree, it is my opinion that the whole of BDSM not developed from the writings of Marquis De Sade comes from practices observed in the Gorean subculture. For the uninitiated, all things traditionally Gorean are derived from a series of books, science fiction novels written by John Norman which predominantly deal with sexual master-slave, power-exchange relationships on a mythical, counter-earth planet called Gor. All the positions that a submissive is typically required to learn are derived wholly or in substantial degree from positions Norman describes in the Gor series. At some point Gorean position training migrated to BDSM for use with both submissives

and slaves.

A dominant generally provides instruction to a submissive on the positions that

he or she feel are important and that the dominant finds personally appealing.

In real-life relationships, the dominant verbally explains, coaches and may even

model the positions that the submissive is expected to learn. On-line, the

resources may come in form of written instructions or website references. There

are actually a rather extensive number of positions but in my own experience I

have never been required to learn them all.

With positions we find the overlap between categories I alluded to in the

introductory post. While position training is in the realm of physical training,

there is also a mental aspect to it. In addition to having to learn to

physically assume the positions a dominant wants mastered, the sub must also

learn the name for each position so that they will be competent to assume any of

the positions learned when given a brief voice command, or a physical cue like a

hand signal. Position names required for memorization may be either the

traditional Gorean names they are known by or newer names developed specifically

for BDSM.

The purposes of position training is generally accepted to be that it trains a

submissive to develop a habit of obedience, to be more mentally focused and

attentive and to move fluidly between positions for the aesthetic pleasure of

the dominant. There are also important practical applications for the positions.

For example some positions lend themselves to use for inspecting, binding,

disciplining or using a submissive sexually. Learning to hold a position for a

substantial interval of times is useful for learning mental focus, improving

physical condition and providing the dominant a useful means for “parking” a

submissive whose services aren’t needed at the moment and who aren’t permitted

to repose on furniture.

Posture Training

Posture training – learning to walk, move and hold oneself in a feminine manner,

frequently is something thought highly desirable for female subs and sissy males

to master but less important for masculine male subs. Posture is universally

important for all when it comes to kneeling properly, the activity we look at

next.

Kneeling Training

Kneeling is another physical activity that most if not all dominants require.

Kneeling is closely akin to position training because it is generally done using one of the positions taught, a low-kneeling or high-kneeling position or both.

With kneeling, posture is generally important to a submissive regardless of sex since typically they are taught to position the feet, ankles and knees in a particular fashion, keep the back straight or slightly arched, the chest out and the eyes downcast.

Kneeling has a variety of purposes and uses. It is a position that powerfully exemplifies the control and authority of the dominant and the subservience of the submissive. Kneeling is used as a sign of respect, adoration and worship. It is used to facilitate meditation and as an alternative to the use of furnishings when the dominant chooses not to permit use of furniture by the submissive.

Kneeling can be problematic for a submissive who suffers from knee problems or lower back pains. Typically dominants are understanding of physical disabilities that preclude kneeling and make necessary modifications where necessary.

Kneeling is something that requires training because many subs find it most uncomfortable to kneel for extended periods of time without a good deal of practice.

Other Physical Training

Sometimes dominants provide other types of physical training like stretching techniques to increase flexibility, Yoga positions and even exercise to promote fitness, toning or weight loss when they deem it necessary and appropriate.

To conclude this section, in my own experience I have received physical training in positions, kneeling and enforced exercise. My very first Mistress required me to learn six of the positions and I have never been required to learn more than eight by any one dominant. However, each dominant had their own preference when it came to which positions they desired that I master. Positions and kneeling are the two areas that I have found most personally meaningful in the experience and expression of my submission. Kneeling for the benefit of a powerful, dominant woman affects me quite profoundly.

When a novice submissive first hears those fateful words from his or her

dominant, “I am ready to begin your training,” or something similar, quite often the heart skips a beat, the pulse quickens, the eyes widen, the brow furrows and the stomach flutters.

Why the Mystery

Beginning With the Macro View

It must always be kept in mind that what I share is anecdotal in that it comes from my own personal experiences and is colored by my own perceptions. This overview I think can have value and can at least in a general way, shed some light on what you can expect from being trained. But please do remember, your mileage may vary.

Some Simple Truths About Training

It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that

training is a proverbial one-way street. In other words, in the training

process, all the instruction flows downhill from the dominant to the submissive

and all learning is absorbed by the submissive. Actually nothing could be

further from the truth. Training is in fact a continuum where instruction and

learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way

process.

Yes, the dominant instructs and the submissive learns yet at the same time the

dominant is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense

that the dominant is learning new skills or techniques, but he or she is

learning about the new submissive, his or her own unique personality,

capabilities and proclivities. These lessons help the dominant formulate

specific goals, plans and strategies for training, training that is

individualized and specific to that submissive.

Beyond the fact that we share a common trait, the desire to submit, we all

differ in most every other regard. Your kinks are most likely different from

mine. Something I find intensely erotic you may find at best boring or even a

complete turn off. The same is true of our individualized needs, wants, desires

and even fears. Thus, it is a truly unwise dominant who labors under the false

impression that one-size fits all and that every sub can be trained exactly the

same way as the last. Effective training must be tailored to the specific

individual.

Submissive Training Categories

I see the submissive training process as being composed of eight discrete areas

or categories. There is some overlap between them so some may combine a few and

end up with less. In the same way another might further divide categories and

end up with more than eight. Yet it isn’t the number of categories that is

important but what a submissive should be expected that he or she will be

taught, learn and experience within the different areas. My eight training

categories include…

The first area of training I will discuss is physical training. Subsequent posts

will examine another of the remaining seven categories of submissive training.

Later posts may be read in any order, however if you missed it, you might find

it useful to read first, Understanding Submissive Training, the introductory post, for background information before proceeding to the individual training area posts.

Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and

postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the

acquisition of physical skills like dance. There are differences among dominants

as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a

submissive yet some things are commonly taught.

Position Training

Position training is one example of physical training that many dominants feel

is needed and beneficial. Also, there may be differences based on the sex of the

submissive in question. Every dominant I have submitted to subjected me to

position training. There are many sites on the web that illustrate

the

positions.

The link provided is one representative site that illustrates and explains them,

all of which are labeled with the Gorean names.

To digress briefly, while some may disagree, it is my opinion that the whole of

BDSM not developed from the writings of Marquis De Sade comes from practices

observed in the Gorean subculture. For the uninitiated, all things traditionally

Gorean are derived from a series of books, science fiction novels written by

John Norman which predominantly deal with sexual master-slave, power-exchange

relationships on a mythical, counter-earth planet called Gor. All the positions

that a submissive is typically required to learn are derived wholly or in

substantial degree from positions Norman describes in the Gor series. At some

point Gorean position training migrated to BDSM for use with both submissives