Growing within My own Dominance

‘ve always known that I have a need to be in control. You could even say that I like things the way I like ’em. Theres always been that feeling of I know what I want , how I want it, where I want it. I like being in control. I like being the one making decisions, directing. Control freak? Mmmm, maybe you could call me that. What I know is that I’m comfortable handling the reigns. I find that many times even in my everyday life, I tend to have a certain amount of control.


Being ‘Dad’ & Husband, I’m automatically the leader of the household. I generally have the final word on what is or what isn’t. That’s just how it works in our household. My wife & I share a great deal of responsibilities, She directs the kids  does her mother role without direct direction from me. We do however discuss everything about how & what the kids do, go etc… that’s just easy for us.


In my daily life, the dominance still seems to play a role within what I do. At work, I have supervisors, and yes i follow the rules of the company, however, often co-workers seem to follow by example. My example. Many time I’m ask what would you do, what do you suggest, how would you,, etc.  I don’t outright require it. but it just is this way. Being a leader, someone who takes the forefront has almost always been the way it is for me. It’s natural I guess you could say.


Speaking of ‘natural’ , I really do feel it’s a natural characteristic. Dominance for me just is a part of me as breathing. I believe that it is a core , deep within myself. Humans aren’t much different than many ‘animals’ here on earth.  Each species has it’s Dominating sex. Humans, in general the male is the Dominating sex.  I believe that this characteristic is naturally within our genetics.  ‘Some’ of us are able to grasp it & embrace it.


I like to think that I have embraces mine. And in doing so, I  look at myself and  try to dig deeper in to find all that defines me. I want to grow within myself, allowing myself to express & live openly.  I’m always ‘discovering’ myself more & more….


More recently, Ive come to an admittance about myself. One that I almost feared to even look at, to even ask the question ” Am I ” or “Do I possess” this characteristic trait ” ? ……This characteristic trait is Sadism.  A trait that I at one time shunned, I thought it was sickening for one to call themselves such a thing.

But as I allowed myself to look at the characteristic openly and without judgement, I was able to be free to really dig in and ask ” Do I hold any of the characteristic traits of being a Sadist ?”…..


I found a surprising, yet not really so surprising answer….  ” Yes, I do “.


What the fuck !? After all I’ve ever thought about the word sadism, or sadist,  “why?” Do i really hold the characteristics of one?

*Shaking my head, I have to remind myself that I opened my mind to this, willing to accept whatever I found*

But you know what? I’m glad that i let myself have an open mind about this, because now i can allow myself to be even more free to be Me!

I’m not so scared of admitting this, however, Iam a tad reserved yet… meaning, I want to make sure about there’s varying degrees of sadism . So do I want to call myself a outright Sadist ? I’m not entirely sure.


This is another part of my journey… growing within My Dominance.



Continuing to uncover My Dominance

So my submissive and I are still fairly new within our D/s relationship we are quite comfortable within our relationship. We’ve discovered quite a lot about ourselves & each other in the six months that we ‘officially’ stated that our relationship is a D/s one. It feels at times as if it’s always been this way. It feels right and fitting. Yet we know very well that we’re growing daily, just as we would in a ‘vanilla’ relationship. We know however that taking the aspects of our relationship, the growth has a lot of differences than a vanilla one would if we were still practicing as that.


My Dominance, it’s changing, growing almost daily. I’m discovering more & more of myself. I’m finding or maybe another way to describe it is I’m uncovering things about myself that I’ve always knew were there, but I was unwilling to release. My thinking has been set free I guess you could say. I’m more open minded to allow myself to free my inner self and be comfortable with it. Not allowing the vanilla society way of thinking to hinder my growth. We’re taught growing up that there’s things NOT acceptable or allowed , & that I tell you this sure fucks with my mind as I discover things about myself.


One thing that I had been struggling with is that I find great pleasure in light Sadism. I was struggling with the ‘Title’ sadism. All that society has taught us goes against it. I had the pleasure of talking with a Gentleman the other day about this struggle of mine, and he suggested another phrase or title that helped me…’ intensive sensual stimulation’ . He said to me & I quote

“ The terms of Sadist and Masochist are so heavily loaded with over a century of social stigma and bigotry that I never use them. “


I was so stuck with what society taught me. The definition was so….. defined… if that makes sense.

However, as I think about it, and as I’ve talked to the gentleman I was able to come to terms that I’m not so limited to that definition of sadist. I don’t need to be afraid of what is pleasing. It’s quite alright if I enjoy spanking her, or pulling her hair or grabbing her by the jaw. Matter of fact, I was a bit surprised that she enjoyed the feeling of being controlled in the manner. What she enjoys is seeing me assert my dominance. So if she enjoys & I enjoy, and were being safe sane & consensual…. there’s nothing wrong with it.



I use to be more concerned with what titles do we use to describe ourselves. After all, we do want to have a sense of definition don’t we? What makes us… us .. know what I mean? However I’m not so eager to take on any particular tiles to describe myself or my submissive. We are who we are, we don’t need to have any particular title to define our Dominance or submission. T/those are what they are, & have the freedom to change as we grow as we uncover characteristics of ourselves & set them loose.



So if I have a bit of so called sadist characteristics within my dominance, so be it, but that doesn’t make me purely a sadist. I am a Dominant , and that alone is enough of a Title that I need to describe who I am. The dynamics of my dominance are what they are.





As for my submissives’ dynamics, I’ve chosen to allow her to give her thoughts herself. I want it to come from her, using her own words. I think, (even though she & I constantly converse about our relationship …..My dominance & her submission….., and I know what her feelings are)…. that this is something better coming from her.