Dominance & submission
Continued growth.
her submission requires growth
her growth requires My Dominance
My Dominance requires growth
W/we’re to grow individually & in unity.
This growth requires structure.
Structure requires control & guidelines.
Even these guidelines need to be revisited & growth,
Dominance & submission………….always growing
DomSirPaul
I’m going to just write.. I have an urge to just let my fingers roll across the keyboard letting out whatever comes out. I haven’t even written the damn title to this one yet….
So her it goes…….
Dominants are ordinary, everyday people. Dominants can be female or male. They can have jobs where they follow orders and jobs very demanding They can have a very demanding high paying job where they’re charge or they can have a blue collar job. They can be wives or husbands, moms or dads, grandmothers or grandfathers, daughters or sons, so forth. They are real people with real lives, families, friends….
I am a Real Dominant every day of my life. Every day of my life is real, every thing I do is real.
The point I’m making is that for myself , my Dominance is just a real and a part of who I am as any other aspect of myself. I think, too often that people seem to think that those who practice any part of BDSM are ‘players in a game’. They place BDSM as an online role play , such as Dungeons & Dragons, or Halo, or whatever else you can think of.
Now for ‘some, this very well could be true, it is just a fantasy or role play adventure. However I believe that MANY people in the BDSM Life Style are in it as that… a Life Style. Key word ‘Life’
Think of it this way. There are those who practice a religion, that religion is a part of them, it’s ingrained, it’s a part of who they are. In fact, much of religion has a sense of Dominance & submission it it. My sister in-law has a sense of submission to her husband, however it is Faith-based, per their religion. It’s what ‘THEY’ believe…
It’s right for them. It’s who they are. However, when my wife confronted her sister with the fact that she (my wife) is submissive with me, she (her sister) took a shocking gasp. As if my wife’s submission to me is from a sense of abuse, controlling , under thumb sense. She (sister in-law) couldn’t grasp an understanding. As my wife tried to explain that it really isn’t much different than her own relationship with her husband, difference being is religion. I’m not sure if the sister in-law was able to understand even after my wife tried to explain..
Point being, my dominance, her submission is as a part of us as the sister in-laws relationship with her husband.
The thing is, my Dominance & my wife’s submission is a willing one. It’s a part of her that couldn’t be understood by the ‘vanilla’ society. It’s very real, as we are very real people with very real lives. We’ve managed to inter-grain our D/s into our ‘vanilla’ life. We live it every damn day. Even though we are still fairly new to the ‘Life Style’ we’re finding that it is comfortable, even relieving. We’re finding that it’s a sense of freedom to be who we really are deep inside….. & that’s very real.
DomSirPaul
Okay, so I’ve seen enough commercials about hummus being used a a chip dip. I’ve never had Hummus ever. I’ve been curious, however never went as far as to sample some. Hummus seems to be becoming increasingly more popular as of late… or is it just me catching up with everyone else ..?
Well anyways, yesterday while doing some shopping with my submissive for the weekend meal list, I seen this isle in the deli section with several selections of hummus. Various flavors were available for the choosing. So I browsed the selection feeling a little brave to try something new. Why not right? Gotta be open minded if you wanna experience the world right..?
Okay, now for truth or defeat…. or whatever you wanna call this…..
I’m hungry for a snack, tortilla chips & dip sound wonderful… the only dip available is this hummus I bought yesterday.. well besides the wife’s french onion, & I’m not touching that… there’s just some things that are her little treats, so she’s a bit protective of her privileges… *Grinz*
Out comes the hummus…
I open it up….. take a lightly inhaled wiff….. Hmm not bad. It’s the roasted garlic flavor.
( yes I love garlic )
I take a tortilla chip & take a moderately portioned dip into the unknown.. this hummus…
A bite…. some chewing and tasting……
Well fuck me !
It’s fucking delicious!
The submissive watching me chomp away at the tortilla & hummus dip..
a smart ass comment …oozes from her pretty fuckin lips…
“You have some white shit all around your lips”
Yep, she’s brave isnt she. But thats okay…. I got some white shit for her too….
Is’nt it fucking amazing how this started with trying out some fuckin hummus, & turns into my dick getting hard by talking about white shit around her lips…..
The text within the picture ..says enough..
This photo is of My submissives daily collar. It’s a simple chain linked at the ends with a small ‘master’ Lock padlock. A little crude perhaps, however it does what it’s intended for. She’ll get a comment or question every now 7 then while out at the store or just out-n-about. She seems to enjoy wearing this, even with it being a ‘crude’ collar.
She’s worn a couple other collars which were a bit more ‘pretty’ , however…. she seems to enjoy just being in My collar. One thing I’ll point out is, whatever collar she wears of mine, they’re all ‘made’ from scratch , put together from various combinations of materials.
I’m planning on making one from scratch, by hand made from leather. I’m looking forward to seeing her in the leather collar..
This photo is of My submissives branding (tattoo). It symbolizes the binding lock between U/us.. It’s discrete, so that the ‘vanilla society’ cant be offended, yet W/we know exactly what it means. It’s located on her upper left breast..
She wears it quite proudly.
NOTE
I believe in continual growth. So I’m always looking for more information to gain some insight & knowledge.
A little about.
Once again we come to you with some information that we came across. This one is especially intriguing. Actually it is very informative. Of course like any article, or information that someone has written, it is a ‘personal’ interpretation. The general rule of ‘ Take what you like & leave the rest’ is your option. I suggest to read the whole article. Take into consideration what they have to offer. As ALWAYS we include the source at the bottom of the post/note. Please, if you share this, give common courtesy to the author.
So with no further await……
**********************************************************************************
When a novice submissive first hears those fateful words from her would be Master, “I am ready to begin your training,” or something similar, quite often her heart skips a beat, the pulse quickens, the eyes widen, the brow furrows and the stomach flutters.
By the time we enter into a relationship with a dominant, typically we have acknowledged if not embraced our submissive nature and we have resolutely decided to move forward in exploring it. Most of the time we are eager to learn more about the trappings of the lifestyle, we want to understand more about our submissive nature and we are committed to pleasing our dominant. So why is it that the idea of beginning training holds the power to be so unsettling?
I believe that the reason is this. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown is a universal experience among humankind. It you think about it, I’m certain you can recall many times in your own past when you experienced it. The idea of submissive training makes us feel uneasy and insecure because we have so little knowledge about it.
Why the Mystery
When I faced submissive training for the first time, I immediately turned to books and the web to discover what I would be facing and what I’d be expected to do. Instead what I found was disappointment. I learned that there was a surprising lack of specific information about it anywhere. The vacuum of specific information only added to my feelings of insecurity. The absence of hard facts made the whole situation all the more intimidating. Perhaps reading about my experiences with training may help to clear away some of that type of mystery that shrouds the subject and will help new subs find a measure of peace
and self-confidence
Beginning With the Macro View
Tackling the topic of submissive training by necessity requires that I start with the same generalized information I mentioned previously that is typically all that can be found. But don’t despair. While I must begin by painting with a few rather broad strokes to provide the macro view, the big picture, trust that we will be moving from the macro to the micro, from the general to the specific.
Due to the volume of information to cover, even in the kind of overview I have in mind, sharing anything of much substance in a single post would be impossible. Therefore my next several posts will be taken up with the matter of submissive training.
This seems a good place to insert a small disclaimer. Just as every submissive is an individual, the same of course in true of dominants. Every dominant has different objectives, goals, methods and philosophies with regard to training. It must always be kept in mind that what I share is anecdotal in that it comes from my own personal experiences and is colored by my own perceptions. This overview I think can have value and can at least in a general way, shed some light on what you can expect from being trained. But please do remember, your mileage may vary.
Some Simple Truths About Training
It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that training is a proverbial one-way street. In other words, in the training process, all the instruction flows downhill from the Master to his slave and all learning is absorbed by the slave. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. Training is in fact a continuum where instruction and learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way process.
Yes, the Master instructs and the slave learns yet at the same time the Master is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense that the dominant is learning new skills or techniques, but he is learning about the new submissive, his own unique personality, capabilities and proclivities. These lessons help the Master formulate specific goals, plans and strategies for her training, training that is individualized and specific to his particular slave.
Beyond the fact that we share a common trait, the desire to submit, we all differ in most every other regard. Your kinks are most likely different from mine. Something I find intensely erotic you may find at best boring or even a complete turn off. The same is true of our individualized needs, wants, desires and even fears. Thus, it is a truly unwise dominant who labors under the false impression that one-size fits all and that every sub can be trained exactly the same way as the last. Effective training must be tailored to the specific individual.
Submissive Training Categories
I see the submissive training process as being composed of eight discrete areas or categories. There is some overlap between them so some may combine a few and end up with less. In the same way another might further divide categories and end up with more than eight. Yet it isn’t the number of categories that is important but what a submissive should be expected that he or she will be taught, learn and experience within the different areas. My eight training categories include…
This is a natural place to pause. Next time we will begin to seek the devil in the details of the above listed areas beginning with physical training. As we go along, I will endeavor to explain in detail what may be expected in each area and will also provide some illustrative examples from my own personal experiences.
The first area of training I will discuss is physical training. Subsequent posts will examine another of the remaining seven categories of submissive training. Later posts may be read in any order, however if you missed it, you might find it useful to read first, Understanding Submissive Training, the introductory post, for background information before proceeding to the individual training area posts.
Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the acquisition of physical skills like dance. There are differences among dominants as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a submissive yet some things are commonly taught.
Position Training
Position training is one example of physical training that many dominants feel is needed and beneficial. Also, there may be differences based on the sex of the submissive in question. Every dominant I have submitted to subjected me to position training. There are many sites on the web that illustrate the positions.
The link provided is one representative site that illustrates and explains them, all of which are labeled with the Gorean names.
To digress briefly, while some may disagree, it is my opinion that the whole of BDSM not developed from the writings of Marquis De Sade comes from practices observed in the Gorean subculture. For the uninitiated, all things traditionally Gorean are derived from a series of books, science fiction novels written by John Norman which predominantly deal with sexual master-slave, power-exchange relationships on a mythical, counter-earth planet called Gor. All the positions that a submissive is typically required to learn are derived wholly or in substantial degree from positions Norman describes in the Gor series. At some point Gorean position training migrated to BDSM for use with both submissives
and slaves.
A dominant generally provides instruction to a submissive on the positions that
he or she feel are important and that the dominant finds personally appealing.
In real-life relationships, the dominant verbally explains, coaches and may even
model the positions that the submissive is expected to learn. On-line, the
resources may come in form of written instructions or website references. There
are actually a rather extensive number of positions but in my own experience I
have never been required to learn them all.
With positions we find the overlap between categories I alluded to in the
introductory post. While position training is in the realm of physical training,
there is also a mental aspect to it. In addition to having to learn to
physically assume the positions a dominant wants mastered, the sub must also
learn the name for each position so that they will be competent to assume any of
the positions learned when given a brief voice command, or a physical cue like a
hand signal. Position names required for memorization may be either the
traditional Gorean names they are known by or newer names developed specifically
for BDSM.
The purposes of position training is generally accepted to be that it trains a
submissive to develop a habit of obedience, to be more mentally focused and
attentive and to move fluidly between positions for the aesthetic pleasure of
the dominant. There are also important practical applications for the positions.
For example some positions lend themselves to use for inspecting, binding,
disciplining or using a submissive sexually. Learning to hold a position for a
substantial interval of times is useful for learning mental focus, improving
physical condition and providing the dominant a useful means for “parking” a
submissive whose services aren’t needed at the moment and who aren’t permitted
to repose on furniture.
Posture Training
Posture training – learning to walk, move and hold oneself in a feminine manner,
frequently is something thought highly desirable for female subs and sissy males
to master but less important for masculine male subs. Posture is universally
important for all when it comes to kneeling properly, the activity we look at
next.
Kneeling Training
Kneeling is another physical activity that most if not all dominants require.
Kneeling is closely akin to position training because it is generally done using one of the positions taught, a low-kneeling or high-kneeling position or both.
With kneeling, posture is generally important to a submissive regardless of sex since typically they are taught to position the feet, ankles and knees in a particular fashion, keep the back straight or slightly arched, the chest out and the eyes downcast.
Kneeling has a variety of purposes and uses. It is a position that powerfully exemplifies the control and authority of the dominant and the subservience of the submissive. Kneeling is used as a sign of respect, adoration and worship. It is used to facilitate meditation and as an alternative to the use of furnishings when the dominant chooses not to permit use of furniture by the submissive.
Kneeling can be problematic for a submissive who suffers from knee problems or lower back pains. Typically dominants are understanding of physical disabilities that preclude kneeling and make necessary modifications where necessary.
Kneeling is something that requires training because many subs find it most uncomfortable to kneel for extended periods of time without a good deal of practice.
Other Physical Training
Sometimes dominants provide other types of physical training like stretching techniques to increase flexibility, Yoga positions and even exercise to promote fitness, toning or weight loss when they deem it necessary and appropriate.
To conclude this section, in my own experience I have received physical training in positions, kneeling and enforced exercise. My very first Mistress required me to learn six of the positions and I have never been required to learn more than eight by any one dominant. However, each dominant had their own preference when it came to which positions they desired that I master. Positions and kneeling are the two areas that I have found most personally meaningful in the experience and expression of my submission. Kneeling for the benefit of a powerful, dominant woman affects me quite profoundly.
When a novice submissive first hears those fateful words from his or her
dominant, “I am ready to begin your training,” or something similar, quite often the heart skips a beat, the pulse quickens, the eyes widen, the brow furrows and the stomach flutters.
By the time we enter into a relationship with a dominant, typically we have acknowledged if not embraced our submissive nature and we have resolutely decided to move forward in exploring it. Most of the time we are eager to learn more about the trappings of the lifestyle, we want to understand more about our submissive nature and we are committed to pleasing our dominant. So why is it that the idea of beginning training holds the power to be so unsettling?
I believe that the reason is this. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown is a universal experience among humankind. It you think about it, I’m certain you can recall many times in your own past when you experienced it. The idea of submissive training makes us feel uneasy and insecure because we have so little knowledge about it.
Why the Mystery
When I faced submissive training for the first time, I immediately turned to books and the web to discover what I would be facing and what I’d be expected to do. Instead what I found was disappointment. I learned that there was a surprising lack of specific information about it anywhere. The vacuum of specific information only added to my feelings of insecurity. The absence of hard facts made the whole situation all the more intimidating. Perhaps reading about my experiences with training may help to clear away some of that type of mystery that shrouds the subject and will help new subs find a measure of peace and self-confidence
Beginning With the Macro View
Tackling the topic of submissive training by necessity requires that I start with the same generalized information I mentioned previously that is typically all that can be found. But don’t despair. While I must begin by painting with a few rather broad strokes to provide the macro view, the big picture, trust that we will be moving from the macro to the micro, from the general to the specific.
Due to the volume of information to cover, even in the kind of overview I have in mind, sharing anything of much substance in a single post would be impossible. Therefore my next several posts will be taken up with the matter of submissive training.
This seems a good place to insert a small disclaimer. Just as every submissive is an individual, the same of course in true of dominants. Every dominant has different objectives, goals, methods and philosophies with regard to training.
It must always be kept in mind that what I share is anecdotal in that it comes from my own personal experiences and is colored by my own perceptions. This overview I think can have value and can at least in a general way, shed some light on what you can expect from being trained. But please do remember, your mileage may vary.
Some Simple Truths About Training
It is easy to assume, given the dynamics of a power exchange relationship, that
training is a proverbial one-way street. In other words, in the training
process, all the instruction flows downhill from the dominant to the submissive
and all learning is absorbed by the submissive. Actually nothing could be
further from the truth. Training is in fact a continuum where instruction and
learning flows back and forth in both directions. It is definitely a two-way
process.
Yes, the dominant instructs and the submissive learns yet at the same time the
dominant is also learning and in a sense being taught. Perhaps not in the sense
that the dominant is learning new skills or techniques, but he or she is
learning about the new submissive, his or her own unique personality,
capabilities and proclivities. These lessons help the dominant formulate
specific goals, plans and strategies for training, training that is
individualized and specific to that submissive.
Beyond the fact that we share a common trait, the desire to submit, we all
differ in most every other regard. Your kinks are most likely different from
mine. Something I find intensely erotic you may find at best boring or even a
complete turn off. The same is true of our individualized needs, wants, desires
and even fears. Thus, it is a truly unwise dominant who labors under the false
impression that one-size fits all and that every sub can be trained exactly the
same way as the last. Effective training must be tailored to the specific
individual.
Submissive Training Categories
I see the submissive training process as being composed of eight discrete areas
or categories. There is some overlap between them so some may combine a few and
end up with less. In the same way another might further divide categories and
end up with more than eight. Yet it isn’t the number of categories that is
important but what a submissive should be expected that he or she will be
taught, learn and experience within the different areas. My eight training
categories include…
The first area of training I will discuss is physical training. Subsequent posts
will examine another of the remaining seven categories of submissive training.
Later posts may be read in any order, however if you missed it, you might find
it useful to read first, Understanding Submissive Training, the introductory post, for background information before proceeding to the individual training area posts.
Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and
postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the
acquisition of physical skills like dance. There are differences among dominants
as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a
submissive yet some things are commonly taught.
Position Training
Position training is one example of physical training that many dominants feel
is needed and beneficial. Also, there may be differences based on the sex of the
submissive in question. Every dominant I have submitted to subjected me to
position training. There are many sites on the web that illustrate
the
positions.
The link provided is one representative site that illustrates and explains them,
all of which are labeled with the Gorean names.
To digress briefly, while some may disagree, it is my opinion that the whole of
BDSM not developed from the writings of Marquis De Sade comes from practices
observed in the Gorean subculture. For the uninitiated, all things traditionally
Gorean are derived from a series of books, science fiction novels written by
John Norman which predominantly deal with sexual master-slave, power-exchange
relationships on a mythical, counter-earth planet called Gor. All the positions
that a submissive is typically required to learn are derived wholly or in
substantial degree from positions Norman describes in the Gor series. At some
point Gorean position training migrated to BDSM for use with both submissives
and slaves.
A dominant generally provides instruction to a submissive on the positions that
he or she feel are important and that the dominant finds personally appealing.
In real-life relationships, the dominant verbally explains, coaches and may even
model the positions that the submissive is expected to learn. On-line, the
resources may come in form of written instructions or website references. There
are actually a rather extensive number of positions but in my own experience I
have never been required to learn them all.
With positions we find the overlap between categories I alluded to in the
introductory post. While position training is in the realm of physical training,
there is also a mental aspect to it. In addition to having to learn to
physically assume the positions a dominant wants mastered, the sub must also
learn the name for each position so that they will be competent to assume any of
the positions learned when given a brief voice command, or a physical cue like a
hand signal. Position names required for memorization may be either the
traditional Gorean names they are known by or newer names developed specifically
for BDSM.
The purposes of position training is generally accepted to be that it trains a
submissive to develop a habit of obedience, to be more mentally focused and
attentive and to move fluidly between positions for the aesthetic pleasure of
the dominant. There are also important practical applications for the positions.
For example some positions lend themselves to use for inspecting, binding,
disciplining or using a submissive sexually. Learning to hold a position for a
substantial interval of times is useful for learning mental focus, improving
physical condition and providing the dominant a useful means for “parking” a
submissive whose services aren’t needed at the moment and who aren’t permitted
to repose on furniture.
Posture Training
Posture training – learning to walk, move and hold oneself in a feminine manner,
frequently is something thought highly desirable for female subs and sissy males
to master but less important for masculine male subs. Posture is universally
important for all when it comes to kneeling properly, the activity we look at
next.
Kneeling Training
Kneeling is another physical activity that most if not all dominants require.
Kneeling is closely akin to position training because it is generally done using
one of the positions taught, a low-kneeling or high-kneeling position or both.
With kneeling, posture is generally important to a submissive regardless of sex
since typically they are taught to position the feet, ankles and knees in a
particular fashion, keep the back straight or slightly arched, the chest out and
the eyes downcast.
Kneeling has a variety of purposes and uses. It is a position that powerfully
exemplifies the control and authority of the dominant and the subservience of
the submissive. Kneeling is used as a sign of respect, adoration and worship. It
is used to facilitate meditation and as an alternative to the use of furnishings
when the dominant chooses not to permit use of furniture by the submissive.
Kneeling can be problematic for a submissive who suffers from knee problems or
lower back pains. Typically dominants are understanding of physical disabilities
that preclude kneeling and make necessary modifications where necessary.
Kneeling is something that requires training because many subs find it most
uncomfortable to kneel for extended periods of time without a good deal of
practice.
Other Physical Training
Sometimes dominants provide other types of physical training like stretching
techniques to increase flexibility, Yoga positions and even exercise to promote
fitness, toning or weight loss when they deem it necessary and appropriate.
To conclude this section, in my own experience I have received physical training
in positions, kneeling and enforced exercise. My very first Mistress required me
to learn six of the positions and I have never been required to learn more than
eight by any one dominant. However, each dominant had their own preference when
it came to which positions they desired that I master. Positions and kneeling
are the two areas that I have found most personally meaningful in the experience
and expression of my submission. Kneeling for the benefit of a powerful,
dominant woman affects me quite profoundly.
Verbal training
Verbal training, our next category, like
physical
training is
multi-faceted, covering numerous areas. Also like all categories, there are
natural overlaps between this category and others. Again I will mention that
while the specific category exposition posts may be read in any order, for
anyone who may have missed
Understanding
Submissive Training,
the overview, I feel it would be useful to read that post first for background
before proceeding to the specific training category posts. As with physical
training, I will provide not only explanations but also offer a few illustrative
personal examples of the verbal training instruction that I have received from
past dominants.
Addressing the Dominant
At its most basic, verbal training includes how the submissive addresses his or
her dominant. It has been my experience that dominants have decided preferences
about how a submissive is permitted to address them and you may be confident
that this information will be provided to you.
It has been my experience that once you have submitted to a dominant, in all
likelihood you will never be allowed to address them in the manner you would
address a friend, relative, co-worker or even someone you met at a social
function. A good analogy I think is the way things are done in the military.
Having served in the military, I have had commanding officers. As a pseudonym
let’s call one of them Steven Smith. My commanding officer’s rank was captain. I
was a sergeant at the time I served under Steven Smith, so he outranked me by a
good margin. The military has a formal and expected way that you must address a
person of superior rank to show proper respect and to acknowledge them as your
superior. You are never permitted to address them informally by using their
first name or by simply using their last name alone.
The expected way to address a superior is by preceding their last name with
their rank. Thus if I wished to begin a dialogue with Steven Smith I addressed
him as “Captain Smith.” If Captain Smith was speaking to me and it became
necessary for me to show my understanding of something or acknowledge an order,
I could respond with “Yes, Captain Smith” or simply, “Yes, sir.” In a similar
vein, when greeting him, I could say, “Good morning, Captain Smith,” “Good
morning, Sir,” or even “Good morning, captain.”
There is a similar protocol when it comes to addressing a Dom or Domme.
Dominants typically will inform you of the honorarium that he or she expects
(e.g., Master, Mistress, Sir, Ma’am, etc). My experiences with Mistresses has
been quite similar to my military experiences. Using one of them as an example,
named Emily, I was required to address her as “Mistress Emily” or simply as
“Mistress.” When Mistress Emily was speaking to me and it became necessary for
me to show my understanding of something or acknowledge an instruction, I could
respond with “Yes, Mistress Emily” or “Yes, Mistress.” She also allowed me to
respond in such circumstances with “Yes, ma’am.” I have had dommes who did not
wish to be addressed as “ma’am” and forbid its use, eliminating that option.
Another domme I have had did not like to be addressed as “Mistress” and instead
required me to address her as Miss Angela. She too allowed me to use “ma’am” in
responding to her when she was speaking.
The point is, as far as verbal training goes, the submissive is given a
particular way of addressing his or her dominant and adherence is expected.
Departure will likely result in swift correction. Many I’m sure are familiar
with the old saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” What it means is allowing a
person you have authority over to interact with you in an informal manner can
erode that authority and your control. Thus, to effectively exercise power over
them and command respect, they must be kept at arms length and allowed to
interact with you on only a formal level.
Asking Questions and Offering Comments
Another part of verbal training involves the submissive asking questions of or
offering comments to the dominant. In most instances, based on my experience,
the submissive is never permitted to simply blurt out a question or make a
comment without first asking permission (i.e.., “Master, may I ask a question”
or “Mistress, may I make a comment”). Of course if asked by the dominant if he
or she has comments or questions, then it is perfectly fine for the submissive
to ask the questions or make the comments.
Use of Third Person
Personally I think this next topic is an antiquated practice and actually more
suited to master – slave relationships than D/s, but invariably some dominants
still use it and so it bears covering. Some dominants forbid the submissive to
use personal pronouns (I, me, my, etc.) when referring to themselves. So for
example, referring back to the previous idea above, when seeking permission to
ask a question or make a comment, the submissive would state, “Sir, may this
submissive ask a question (offer a comment)?” or “Mistress, may your submissive
offer a comment (or ask a question)?”
This practice can be taken so far as, “Mistress, would it please you for your
submissive to offer a comment?” When restricted from the use of personal
pronouns to reference self, it sometimes requires some creativity to form the
question or statement properly to comply with this speech restriction. I have
been subjected to this, so despite my own personal opinions about the practice,
it is still in use.
Similarly, a submissive may be restricted from laying verbal claim to anything
including parts of his or her own body, prohibited from using words like my and
mine. Thus, as an example, in times past I have been required to “present”
myself to a dominant, which is a formal ritual of sorts where the submissive
offers individual sexual parts to the dominant for his or her use and pleasure.
Thus, if I was offering my penis for the pleasure and use of my Mistress, I was
not permitted to say, when restricted from the use of my and mine, “Mistress, I
offer my cock
for your use and pleasure.” Instead I was required to say, “Mistress, I offer your cock
for your use and pleasure.” It sounds a bit weird at first, but as you may note
the later statement eliminates the word “my” and also at the same time
acknowledges that my Mistress rather than me owns my cock along with the rest of
me.
Other Speech Restrictions
Besides personal pronouns, many dominants often choose to restrict the speech of
the submissive in other ways. One personal example I have experienced is that I
once had a Mistress who forbid me to use contractions either in speech or
writing and if I did so, I received swift correction. Thus instead of “didn’t” I
had to use “did not” or instead of “wouldn’t” I had to use “would not.” A
dominant can simply choose any one word or multiple words and eliminate them
from the vocabulary of the submissive.
Use of Specific Words for Specific Things
The final topic I want to cover in verbal training is the required use of
certain words. It could be considered the opposite of speech restriction.
Instead of being forbidden to use a certain word or word form, some dominants
require the use of specific words for specific things. These requirements often
have a purpose and motive beyond just verbal training, but it still fits nicely
into the category. For example, a male dominant may require his female
submissive to use the word “fuck” rather than “sexual intercourse,” “tits”
instead of “breasts,” “pussy” or “cunt” in place of “vagina.” In the same
manner, female dominants may require a male submissive to use “dick” or “cock”
instead of “penis” and “balls” or “nuts” in place of “testicles.”
Also, often to accomplish other purposes, the dominant may choose to use and
require the submissive to use unique words, especially for a one of their sexual
parts. The example I offer from my own past experiences is a female dominant I
once served who used the word “pussy” for my anus and the word “clit” for my
penis and required that I use those words as well when referring to those parts.
The primary purpose for this was that she knew it humiliated me since I was not
a sissy sub, but still it was a practice that falls into the verbal training
category.
There is probably a good deal more that could be discussed about verbal
training, but hopefully enough has been presented here to give new subs an
adequate understanding of what this category of submissive training entails,
Mental training
Mental training is next up in our examination of submissive training. Training
focused on the mental realm involves things like memorization, keeping a
journal, improving concentration skills (i.e., meditation), acquiring new
knowledge, improving problem solving skills and learning to bend the will more
effectively to that of the dominant through development of greater determination
to please and persistence to pursue tasks and assignments to successful
conclusion. While more specifically associated with sexual conditioning,
training a female submissive to orgasm on command can be considered a form of
mental training.
Meditation and Keeping a Journal
To a great degree, the effectiveness of mental training is as dependent on the
efforts of the submissive as on the instructional talents of the dominant since
it involves matters of the will. For example a dominant may decree that a
submissive engage in daily meditation or require him or her to keep a daily
journal, yet it is actually dependent upon the submissive whether those
activities result in a meaningful outcome.
As a person with a strong drive to please my dominant, in those instances when I
was required to meditate or journal daily, I did apply my best efforts to those
assignments and believe some of the most important breakthroughs I have
experienced as a submissive occurred while engaging in those activities. Both
provide opportunities for introspection that can reveal greater understanding of
your submissive nature and how best to channel it for the mutual benefit of both
partners in a D/s relationship.
Generally with meditation, the dominant assigns a focus topic and dictates the
environment and length of the meditation period. As an example, I once served a
Mistress who required that I kneel each morning for 15 minutes, immediately
after waking. I was instructed to open the blinds and curtains of my bedroom
window, remove all my clothing and kneel facing the window while meditating. She
would provide the focus topics for the time of meditation and after the 15
minutes were up, I was required to journal what I felt were the most important
answers or questions I came up with during the session. The sense of exposure I
think served to heighten the experience for me making if even more productive. I
did however make it a habit to be an early riser to minimize the chance of
anyone observing me in such an exposed state. *smiles*
Memorization
Memorization is sometimes used as a means of sharpening the mind of a submissive
or to help establish a specific mindset that the dominant wishes to instill.
While I have only had limited experience with memorization assignments
personally, I have known a submissive whose dominant required her to memorize
entire BDSM fiction stories and poems verbatim, which she was then required to
recite to him. My own experience has been limited to memorizing mantras, short
statements that I was often required to compose myself, which were designed to
pay tribute to my dominant or simply acknowledge her ownership and control.
Mantras are similar to the positive affirmations some people recite to promote
the flow of positive energies to help them make life changes. The dominant that
introduced me to mantras required me to compose a new once each week that I was
required to recite aloud from memory a specific number of times each day.
Personally, I found mantras to be very powerful in keeping me in a submissive
mindset.
Acquiring New Knowledge
In the interest of acquiring new knowledge I have often been given, especially
during the early years of my submissive journey, research assignments on topics
provided by my dominant that pertained to the BDSM lifestyle. For example I once
was assigned to research erotic humiliation. After completing the research, I
was required to write a paper in which I communicated the facts I learned about
erotic humiliation and shared my personal feelings about whether scenes
involving erotic humiliation were something that appealed to me or produced
arousal.
Researching and writing assignments are often quite helpful in achieving growth
and having your limits stretched. It is also effective in simply learning more
about the lifestyle in general. Some dominants use research and writing
assignments to lay the groundwork before introducing a submissive to some new
scene activity that they have not yet experienced or that might even be a soft
limit for them.
Occasionally dominants go as far as requiring their submissive to enroll in and
complete formal education courses to enhance their general education or even
require them to study and learn a foreign language.
Bending the Will
Dominants often engage in mental training for the purpose of helping a
submissive to learn to be more obedient or less willful. One technique that I
have experienced was being given small repetitive tasks to complete with a
deadline.
As examples I was required by one Mistress to email her daily by a specific time
before noon. In the email I was required to wish her well for the day, tell her
I was thinking of her and provide her with some bit of news that I felt she
would be interested in. Another required me to sign on to a chat messenger at a
certain time of day, every day unless prevented by work and remain signed on for
a specific number of minutes. On some days she would sign on and we actually
chatted but generally she wouldn’t. The purpose of both exercises was to teach
me to bend my will to the Mistress and to show my understanding that my time
belonged to her to be used as she saw fit.
Oftentimes, activities like orgasm control and denial, clothing or food being
chosen for the submissive and a host of other things are required by dominants
for mental training purposes. Using orgasm control as an example, while an
activity that accomplishes sexual ends, it also reinforces for the submissive
the dominant’s control and ownership, hence bending the will of the submissive
to the dominant’s will.
In summary, mental training is one of the most effective tools in a dominant’s
training tool box to instill knowledge, establish and maintain a framework of
control over a submissive and to reinforce obedient behavior.
At first blush one might be tempted to combine submissive emotional training
with the mental training category, but I believe the two, while akin, are not
the same. Recall the last time you did or said something when you were angry. It
is easy to see that emotions are not the rational cognitive thought processes we
think of when we use the word mental.
To continue on next NOTE
http://trainherwell.blogspot.com/2012/02/slave-training-instructions.html?zx=73e53c826d3d7288
Dominance & submission
Continued growth.
her submission requires growth
her growth requires My Dominance
My Dominance requires growth
W/we’re to grow individually & in unity.
This growth requires structure.
Structure requires control & guidelines.
Even these guidelines need to be revisited & growth,
Dominance & submission………….always growing
Avid reader and writer of short erotic fiction with domestic discipline and BDSM themes!
My Experience And Education In The BDSM Master/slave Lifestyle
I am on a journey into FemDom submission. I am slave to my Wife who is also my Mistress. I'm sharing my experiences with likeminded people or anyone who is curiious about this lifestyle. Adults only!
Submitting with love and loving to submit
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